I went to the doc today. I have hypothyroidism and possibly type 2 diabetes (more blood work needs to be done to determine if it's type 1 or 2, more than likely it's type 2). Both of these run in my family, yay for genes! It explains a lot though so I suppose I should be relieved right? Now I know what else is wrong with me, on top of Bi-Polar Disorder and PTSD...woohoo! Pills, pills and more pills...I remember when I was younger saying to my mom how I never ever wanted to be dependent on medication....boy, did I put the wrong message out into the Universe or what? On the bright side of this, I should lose a bunch of weight and will now be forced into eating way healthier :)....
For more info about hypothyroidism click here
**By the way, this is not an April Fool's joke, in case anyone was wondering since it is April Fool's Day...lol...**
Showing posts with label Bi-Polar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bi-Polar. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Mesa's Medication Update :) :)
**Send some support Young Momma's way**
I have been MIA for a little while, just trying to get used to taking my new medication..fun stuff :). I also have a new psychiatrist who seems to think that I am not as Bi-Polar as the other one thought, which is really great news! So, my new medication...it's called Lamictal, so far REALLY great! It has been a huge help to me, it's used to treat Bi-Polar 1 disorder and helps prevent the onset of a manic period, which for me is always severe depression, so since I use it along with an anti-depressant, Cymbalta, I feel like I'm not followed by a black cloud anymore. I also take MiniPress for treatment of PTSD, basically it stops my nightmares and keeps me from having panic attacks in the middle of the night!
So what does all this mean, well let me say that when I first was diagnosed I was soooooooo scared, I felt broken. I went to the psychiatrist because I wanted to be fixed and his answer was medication, after seeing my parents addicted to pills my entire life I was more than against it, but I also knew that there was something very wrong with me and I couldn't do it on my own. I will more than likely have to take medication for the rest of my life, it's not an appetizing thought to me, I still haven't come to terms with that. I think a part of me still thinks I can do it on my own and since I believe all things are possible, then one day I will be med free.
The down side to medications are side-effects and the possibility of it not working. I have gone through the trial and error process, but that's mostly because I wasn't seen by a psychiatrist first. The most important thing when getting help is getting it from the right source. Please see a licensed and practicing psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis. I know that some doctors, like the one that saw me prior to the psychiatrist, was trying to help by throwing a pill at me, it didn't do me any good to go through all the meds that she kept giving me. My doctor assumed I was just depressed, depression and Bi-Polar while they go hand in hand, just an anti-depressant does no good. It can make things worse actually. Once I was seen by a psychiatrist all was made very clear to me about my brain and why I am the way I am, my psychiatrists name was Dr. Able, he was "able" to help me and for that I will always be grateful.
To my partner in crime, I know you're scared, you have a right to be scared. Please do not let your fear paralyze you. Medication takes time to help, there are no quick fixes, and understand that because the brain is tricky and doctors still don't fully understand it, when we have things wrong with it, it can be a trial and error process to know who's chemistry is right for which medication. Don't give up, I am proof that if you find the right doctor, the right medication and a support system, you will feel better.
Even on days when I feel like this:
I know I'm taking the right steps to feeling like this:
Friday, February 20, 2009
What it's like being Bi-Polar, a wife, a mom and friend
***Part of Mesa's Story***
Hi to all that are support seekers or givers! I'm so glad you stopped by :). I hope that you will find some peace and comfort here amidst the Mania that causes Anxiety, Depression, etc..etc.. I am sharing a part of myself with you that not many know. I was diagnosed as being Bi-Polar a litte over a year ago, I also have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Seasonal Effective Disorder (SED..instead of sad..lol) and Anxiety! Let me tell you IT IS A LOT OF FUN being me, kinda..haha.. I tend to use humor to downplay the seriousness of my "illnesses". If there's 2 words that I wish could be banished they are Mental Illness, for those of us that have issues, and know that we have issues, calling us mentally ill puts a stigma on us, most of the time it makes me feel like I should be locked up (which maybe I should be?? That will be determined at a later time..although if you ask my closest friends they would whole heartedly agree..hehe).
How did I get to be this way you might be thinking? The short version is my up bringing or environment to which I was exposed. The long version, is well, quite a bit longer, so how about I just make it a medium version..compromise..gotta love it (again with the sarcastic humor..I know). Anyway, back to why I'm a maniac (singing the maniac song in my head), my father was bi-polar, my mother was depressed ALL the time, and they were both drug addicts. I saw at a very young age just what drugs can do to people and how violent they can become, I watched some beatings take place that have forever scarred me..hence- the need for counseling now at the age of 30! I knew growing up that something was a little off about me, but no one ever caught on, not until I was 19. I had my first BIG freak out. I will not go into all the details I will only say that I was crying out for help and no one could hear me. My second BIG freak out happened at 22. I have since then learned NOT TO FREAK out the way I had those 2 times and am now becoming better. I suppose I should give a definition to the BIG FREAK OUTS=Suicide Attempts. I knew the first time I tried that I wasn't going to die, it was just a cry for help. The second time well I thought maybe I might, however, God had other plans for me. I'll leave that for another post.
I had originally written a very long post doing a kind of chronological order of my past, but I chose to delete it because it was long and I felt that I should save some of that stuff for a later time. What I know about life right now and my purpose for sharing this story with all of you is stuff like what Young Momma and I are going through need to be talked about. I think that the longer people sit in silence the worse they become. Having 2 psychiatrists these days has been a big help for me, I have one that regulates my meds and one strictly for counseling. I take 3 different medications, Cymbalta, Lamictal and Mini-Press. The 3 combined are supposed to help keep me stable, some days they work, some days they don't. I'm still on the fence about them. I don't want to be chained to them for the rest of my life, but I might have to be. That is an on going event that will be explored more later.
The biggest thing for me is that I have always craved stability in my life, my marriage to Mark has by far been the best thing to have ever happened to me, along with both of my children of course :). SOmetimes I feel completely alone though, not having my mom, or my grandma has been the hardest things for me to deal with lately. I'll write more about that later too. I will end this post here for now...Thanks for reading.
Hi to all that are support seekers or givers! I'm so glad you stopped by :). I hope that you will find some peace and comfort here amidst the Mania that causes Anxiety, Depression, etc..etc.. I am sharing a part of myself with you that not many know. I was diagnosed as being Bi-Polar a litte over a year ago, I also have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Seasonal Effective Disorder (SED..instead of sad..lol) and Anxiety! Let me tell you IT IS A LOT OF FUN being me, kinda..haha.. I tend to use humor to downplay the seriousness of my "illnesses". If there's 2 words that I wish could be banished they are Mental Illness, for those of us that have issues, and know that we have issues, calling us mentally ill puts a stigma on us, most of the time it makes me feel like I should be locked up (which maybe I should be?? That will be determined at a later time..although if you ask my closest friends they would whole heartedly agree..hehe).
How did I get to be this way you might be thinking? The short version is my up bringing or environment to which I was exposed. The long version, is well, quite a bit longer, so how about I just make it a medium version..compromise..gotta love it (again with the sarcastic humor..I know). Anyway, back to why I'm a maniac (singing the maniac song in my head), my father was bi-polar, my mother was depressed ALL the time, and they were both drug addicts. I saw at a very young age just what drugs can do to people and how violent they can become, I watched some beatings take place that have forever scarred me..hence- the need for counseling now at the age of 30! I knew growing up that something was a little off about me, but no one ever caught on, not until I was 19. I had my first BIG freak out. I will not go into all the details I will only say that I was crying out for help and no one could hear me. My second BIG freak out happened at 22. I have since then learned NOT TO FREAK out the way I had those 2 times and am now becoming better. I suppose I should give a definition to the BIG FREAK OUTS=Suicide Attempts. I knew the first time I tried that I wasn't going to die, it was just a cry for help. The second time well I thought maybe I might, however, God had other plans for me. I'll leave that for another post.
I had originally written a very long post doing a kind of chronological order of my past, but I chose to delete it because it was long and I felt that I should save some of that stuff for a later time. What I know about life right now and my purpose for sharing this story with all of you is stuff like what Young Momma and I are going through need to be talked about. I think that the longer people sit in silence the worse they become. Having 2 psychiatrists these days has been a big help for me, I have one that regulates my meds and one strictly for counseling. I take 3 different medications, Cymbalta, Lamictal and Mini-Press. The 3 combined are supposed to help keep me stable, some days they work, some days they don't. I'm still on the fence about them. I don't want to be chained to them for the rest of my life, but I might have to be. That is an on going event that will be explored more later.
The biggest thing for me is that I have always craved stability in my life, my marriage to Mark has by far been the best thing to have ever happened to me, along with both of my children of course :). SOmetimes I feel completely alone though, not having my mom, or my grandma has been the hardest things for me to deal with lately. I'll write more about that later too. I will end this post here for now...Thanks for reading.
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