I have been MIA for a little while, just trying to get used to taking my new medication..fun stuff :). I also have a new psychiatrist who seems to think that I am not as Bi-Polar as the other one thought, which is really great news! So, my new medication...it's called Lamictal, so far REALLY great! It has been a huge help to me, it's used to treat Bi-Polar 1 disorder and helps prevent the onset of a manic period, which for me is always severe depression, so since I use it along with an anti-depressant, Cymbalta, I feel like I'm not followed by a black cloud anymore. I also take MiniPress for treatment of PTSD, basically it stops my nightmares and keeps me from having panic attacks in the middle of the night!
So what does all this mean, well let me say that when I first was diagnosed I was soooooooo scared, I felt broken. I went to the psychiatrist because I wanted to be fixed and his answer was medication, after seeing my parents addicted to pills my entire life I was more than against it, but I also knew that there was something very wrong with me and I couldn't do it on my own. I will more than likely have to take medication for the rest of my life, it's not an appetizing thought to me, I still haven't come to terms with that. I think a part of me still thinks I can do it on my own and since I believe all things are possible, then one day I will be med free.
The down side to medications are side-effects and the possibility of it not working. I have gone through the trial and error process, but that's mostly because I wasn't seen by a psychiatrist first. The most important thing when getting help is getting it from the right source. Please see a licensed and practicing psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis. I know that some doctors, like the one that saw me prior to the psychiatrist, was trying to help by throwing a pill at me, it didn't do me any good to go through all the meds that she kept giving me. My doctor assumed I was just depressed, depression and Bi-Polar while they go hand in hand, just an anti-depressant does no good. It can make things worse actually. Once I was seen by a psychiatrist all was made very clear to me about my brain and why I am the way I am, my psychiatrists name was Dr. Able, he was "able" to help me and for that I will always be grateful.
To my partner in crime, I know you're scared, you have a right to be scared. Please do not let your fear paralyze you. Medication takes time to help, there are no quick fixes, and understand that because the brain is tricky and doctors still don't fully understand it, when we have things wrong with it, it can be a trial and error process to know who's chemistry is right for which medication. Don't give up, I am proof that if you find the right doctor, the right medication and a support system, you will feel better.
Even on days when I feel like this:
I know I'm taking the right steps to feeling like this: