I've been having a mild freak out lately. Nothing too serious. But, I called my sister in law, because she is kind of an expert in the area of which I'm freaking about.
When I tell her that I'm freaking out and want her opinion, she laughs and says
"That's just what you do. Just stop."
Can I tell you - if it was only that easy! I can't just flip this on and off like a light switch. I have no control over this. When I get a little mommy worry in my head, it turns into a full fledged panic over something being wrong with a situation, or with my baby, or with whatever it is that I'm panicked over!
I'm still in the process of learning what this disorder is all about. My hubs is still learning how to handle all of it, as well. I love him so much. He's really trying, and he's incredibly patient. When I told him how it hurt me when his sister said this, he asked me "What would the right answer have been??"
There isn't a right answer. All I wanted was an answer though. Not a criticism on why or how I act the way I do. Just let me know what I'm asking about. Don't call me out on how I'm wrong for even worrying about it in the first place.
Am I never going to have his family understand??
This is not something I have control over. This is not something that will just stop or go away. This is me. Love it or hate it. I am a panicked woman. I don't have control over my emotions, and half the time I'm lucky if I have control over my thoughts.
This makes me feel like I'm always going to feel alone. On the outside and misunderstood.
It's a shitty place to be.