Every couple has spats, I am aware of this. I am also aware of how a person's tone of voice can cause a trigger in me. I have a few major triggers, which thanks to the meds, I have been able to find out what they are and somewhat gain control over them. The worst thing you can possibly say to me EVER is "you're just telling yourself that, IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD" . I already live a majority of the time in my head so I know what goes on in there way better than anyone else and trust me I know what's real and what's not. Hubs said this very line to me last night because I got grumpy about the way he was talking to me, he does this passive agressive thing, where he'll ask a question in this condescending voice and without actually saying "yes, you did this wrong" he'll make a point of it to question me and the way it comes out is just like an attack. I have tried over and over to ask him to please not talk to me that way, to please be mindful of how exactly you word things or say things in a nicer tone, and he says "IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD- I DON'T TALK LIKE THAT or I DIDN'T SAY IT THAT WAY", when you say a phrase like that it causes this surge of anger and waves of sadness, I already feel crazy enough as it is and now you're treating me like I am.
I am at a loss today, I just feel F.I.N.E (Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional).
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I think that probably you two cleared this up because of the more recent post yes?
ReplyDeleteBut, may I play devils advocate for a moment? Just in case?
I'm not sure if this is what he meant BUT, just in case, sometimes when you say something to someone else they take it a certain way. And the person who said it may not have meant it the way that person took it. That make sense? And the thing is, the person who said it can't control the way the person took it. Still with me? The only thing you can do is clarify what you really meant and hope that person believes you and takes it at that. Cause one person can't control, how the other person thinks or perceives things. They can only clarify and get on the same page.
Did that make any sense what-so-ever?
How about telling him something like...
ReplyDelete"Are you aware of how condescending you sound right now, talking to me?"
"Would you mind just listening to me for a minute without focusing on yourself?"
"When you say that to me, the tone in your voice is belittling. It doesn't help me."
"If you're interested in what I have to say, please listen and I'll continue. Otherwise, you can make your smart-ass comments to the dog and I'll be taking a bubble bath while I take the time I need to think. Alone."
*hahaha!*
Seriously...I hate when other people, knowingly or UNknowingly, ESCALATE my bad/manic/false reality with their own need to...I dunno...express themself in a juvinile way, make a point, or be right, or just their insensitivity is enough to put a hyper-sensitive person (me) over the edge.
OMG I am SOOO Using that F.I.N.E thing.. its so me... sooo often.
ReplyDeleteF.I.N.E (Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional).
ReplyDeleteAerosmith :) :) :)